What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
