the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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