I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You left your phone here
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