i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
