i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
