The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
