Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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