My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I could fuck to npr.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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