dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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