why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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