Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
