cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drake has all the answers
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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