It's Friday. Sex?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
