PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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