and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My hand turned me down
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
