It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
