I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
