the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
