I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
