Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
