Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
