i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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