He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
