Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
