I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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