I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
