I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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