I just cut my nipple shaving
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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