woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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