Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
