He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
