It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
