So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
