He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Send help, water and tortillas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
