So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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