Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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