why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
