someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
