I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
