I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
