Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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