I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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