True but thats because hes a fetus.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
