I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
