I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
