It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
