last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
