I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
