So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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