I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
