did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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